Bad Blogger...

I am such a bad blogger. Work has been very busy – which is a good thing but I am totally slacking on posting, commenting and reading blogs. I just want everyone to know that I am still following your stories. I guess I also have to apologize for the next three weeks while I am at it. I will be busy trying to get everything wrapped up at work then we leave for our trip. After our trip we both took an extra week off for a nice relaxing staycation! I am going to try to stay away from the computer until I return to work December 13th. I hope when I return there are lots of BFP out there!


On a side note…I now have a daily reminder at work of what I don’t have once again…a coworker just announced she is expecting No. 2. She is due in July so in my calculations she is about 8 weeks along. A little early to announce if you ask me…I guess ignorance is really bliss.

My Company just started an employee interest group…it’s for working families. I guess I am not invited to this one. Oh wait…the flyer said aunts and uncles are invited. Wtf – I will be avoiding this group like the plague.

Happy Thanskgiving to everyone out there...I hope you find lots of joy in this holiday!  Chat with you soon!

Does the RE remember me?

I talked to the IVF nurse yesterday! I have to confess that it was kind of nice…I guess I have missed the people at my REs while on this long break. I now have a plan again and boy does it feel good. All my testing is up to date at the RE. The blood work and saline sonograms are good for a year. I had them all done in March before my last IVF so I am good to go! The only thing that needs to be repeated is a semen analysis for hubby. He was not very excited when I told him that last night. The nurse told me to call when AF shows up in December so I can start my two weeks of BCPs. Knowing my luck AF will show up the last day of December. Not really that big of a deal but I was hoping to be on BCPs in December so when January rolls around (and my insurance kicks in) I can start with injections and monitoring right away. I did ask if I could start BCP after my Nov period but they won’t suppress for that long (4 weeks) and they don’t schedule IVFs or do any monitoring in December. I guess it’s ok for my RE to take the holidays off. I need to realize that I have zero control over this and just go with the flow…hahaha…I will never be able to go with the flow…



On a side note we have a busy weekend planned. Yes – I know it’s only Tuesday but all I can think about is the weekend. Saturday night we are having friends over to watch the ASU/USC game (GO DEVILS) to celebrate my hubby’s 35th birthday! I am still in shock that hubby (with me not too far behind) is turning 35. I used to think of 35 as old…now I think of it as a great age but my RE might beg to differ.


A friend who is coming over Saturday just emailed me to ask if they can bring another couple with them. I responded “of course as long as she is not pregnant” – I was joking of course. I only said this because they were recently married.

Can you guess my friends response? Yep – you guessed it…her friend just found out she is 8 weeks pregnant. Why am I not that fucking lucky?

AF Screws me Again

As I sit here waiting for AF to show up I am fuming.  I am not fuming because I have all the signs she is on her way so I know there is no miracle baby for us this month.  I am fuming because this cycle was 32 days long not the normal 28.  Sounds like no big deal but now this bumps my next visit from AF into my Rome trip.  I had it all calculated out using a 28/29 day cycle when we planned the trip a couple months ago and now AF has screwed me again.  This totally blows and there is nothing I can do about it.  I know it’s not the end of the world but it annoys me that AF is going to screw up the one fun thing I have planned while we are on a break.  I was hoping not to think about IF at all on my trip but now I will have to deal with this. 

I guess I need to look on the bright side – only four more weeks until my trip.

October ICLW!

Happy ICLW to everyone! This is the first time I have participated in this so I am excited. Let me tell you a little about our IF story…


My DH and I have been TTC for four + years now. We are both 34 going on 35 (way too quickly I might add). The first year was spent not really tracking anything – we were just seeing what happens and having fun doing it. Well, nothing happened! We have been tested and my DH has low morphology. I tested fine. We have been through 10 IUI’s. The 7th time was a charm and it worked but I miscarried at 10 weeks in June 09 – we were devastated. My body took a couple months getting back to normal then we started again. We tried a couple more IUI’s and I got a BFP in December 09. At my six week US there was nothing there - another miscarriage. This one was a little easier to handle since it was at six weeks instead of ten. We had to wait for my body and hormones to level out then we started IVF #1 in April 10. I did the standard three weeks of BCP then on to the meds. I responded fairly well and ended up with 14 eggs retrieved, 11 mature, and four perfect day 5 embies. They transferred two AAA embies but I got a BFN. We did an FET in May 10 and transferred our only two frostbabies and got another BFN. Back to the drawing board once again. Over the summer our RE tested us for everything under the sun and everything came back normal. We are on hold right now waiting for the first of the year so my insurance kicks back in to cover part of the next IVF. We are giving it one more shot then we will be on our way to D.I.N.K.s…Dual Income, No Kids. It’s now a scary thought…what if these treatments don’t work. I am not sure how to comprehend that yet. I am going to focus on IVF#2 and not think of what might be if we get another BFN.

During this holding pattern I have been keeping myself busy by planning a trip to Rome in late November! I am so excited and thankful to have something to keep my mind off of treatments for a little bit.

Thanks for visiting and leaving a comment. If you are also starting IVF soon let me know so I can follow your story!

Coming out of the IF Closet

I think I came out of the IF closet on FB on Friday…it felt freeing…until I read the comments left by friends.

I posted this…

“October 15th is pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day. Today we remember all the babies born sleeping, the ones we carried but never had the chance to meet, the precious babies we have held but didn't take home, or the one's that came home but never stayed long. Make this your status if you or someone you love has suffered the loss of a baby. Light a Candle @ 7pm to honor all lost babies.”

Which is no big deal but then people started commenting on my post. One friend said “thinking of you” another said “Love you sister” and a third posted “Love you too…wish we could have met your baby”. WTF – she really just say that on FB? I get that she doesn’t have a clue and is trying to be nice but really…I wish I could have met the two babies I miscarried but I wouldn’t post that on FB. I was very proud of myself for posting that message. I have always been pretty private about my IF story and it felt good sharing that with everyone…the last comment however me the whole thing a bit weird.

An Offer

So we had a great weekend or I should say a great Saturday night. I was a ragging bitch on Friday night and totally ruined our time out. We went to the fancy new casino with hubby’s boss and a couple people from his work. I was in a bad mood from the start and hubby and I were at each other’s throats all night. I would actually like to forget it even happened. I am not usually that moody of a person. I am actually a bit surprised at my behavior. Enough about that…

Saturday we went to my BFF’s son’s first birthday party. I was kind of dreading it because it just reminds me that we were both pregnant last summer together and now a year later she has an adorable baby. When I say adorable I mean adorable…she got lucky – he is the happiest most laid back baby ever. I was also dreading it because her S-in-L is pregnant and due next week. I think my worry about the party is partly why I was such a mental case Friday night. I actually had a great time at the party. I enjoyed the kids there and even enjoyed talking to my pregnant friend. It was good to see everyone. I sometimes separate myself from my friends for self preservation – thinking I am doing the best thing for me but then I see everyone and realize that my friends are also good for me.

After the party we met up with other friends to celebrate two of their birthdays. It was a great dinner catching up with everyone and lots of laughter. We only stayed at dinner until 9:30 or so. Our friend T had to work the next day so we dropped him off and then hubby, myself and A (T’s girlfriend) swung by my BFF’s brothers house. He was having friends over to celebrate his birthday. (I guess October is Birthday month). There we proceeded to have a great time and probably one too many cocktails. My BFF at one point told me she would be my surrogate if I needed her. It was a really generous offer and I actually think she is sincere. She talked to my hubby about it for a while and was crying while she offered. When she told me I kind of laughed it off and said that our issue wasn’t that and we don’t need one. I was not in the right frame of mind and kind of blew her off. I feel bad about that now. I think I will send her an email today with an apology. We got home and to bed around 3 (I think) so Sunday was kind of a wasted day.

Thanks to everyone for their shopping hints on my last post! I have a friend at work taking me shopping at lunch today! Hopefully it helps! I am also planning on shopping in Rome! T- 45 days till Rome!