Friday, December 17, 2010

Not Feeling it...

Has Infertility has stolen my Christmas spirit this year? I am not exactly sure what’s going on…here is a list of possible reasons why I am not feeling into Christmas…

• Because last year I was so sure that this Christmas I would have an extra stocking or two to hang and that didn’t happen

• Because it’s hard to decorate when there won’t be any gifts under the tree. (We decided to get a new computer for our Christmas gifts instead this year)

• Because our vacation took all our energy and there is none left to put up a Christmas tree

• Because our family tradition of spending Christmas Eve with my family will not happen since my parents are on a two week cruise

• Because the high weather temps for the week of Christmas is going to be in the 80s

I guess it really doesn’t matter why. We decided against decorating for the holiday. I just need to focus on getting AF in two weeks so we can all the RE and start on BCPs for IVF #2! This next cycle is so close yet I feel so distant from it. I’m not excited or scared or anything in between – I’m indifferent. Wonder if that is a normal safety precaution that my brain is doing so I can’t get hurt again.

Hmm…I just reread this and it sounds like I need an attitude adjustment before starting IVF…I need some positive thoughts. I will work on that.


  1. denial is good! it beats obsessing over this next cycle. i say keep it up :o) i'm very excited for you that this next cycle is coming up. i know it's been a long wait and i'm very hopeful for you :o) consider this one your last xmas without the extra stockings :o) xoxo. ps - LOVE your pics from italy. glad you had a great time. hope you're well rested!

  2. I know it can be hard to muster excitement when you've already been through so much, I totally get that.

    Sending you lots of positive vibes until you can muster your own.


  3. Ugh, I am so NOT in the Christmas spirit. I was at the beginning of the month, and then all of the IF stuff hit me like a freight train. Here's to a better 2011!

  4. Holidays can be really hard, especially when you're looking to something beyond them. This year I am so focused on January that I have almost forgotten about Christmas.

  5. I think your brain is still on vacation. It's hard to get in the spirit sometimes. Your house doesn't have to be all decked out to be in the spirit. As long as you focus on your blessings and the real meaning of the season, that's all that matters!

    Growing up in VA I can't imagine it being 80 degrees this time of year. I've always had a freezing cold and/or white Christmas. :)

    It's totally normal to feel indifferent about an upcoming cycle. It's like a defense mechanism that our mind does to our emotions. BUT, the mind is a powerful thing. YOU can control your attitude so stay positive my friend!!

    Wishing you the very best!

  6. I am feeling the same way about Christmas this year...I just can't get excited when the thing I want the most is a baby...Bah Humbug for me I guess!

  7. Bah humbug! If I could avoid xmas this year, I would! I hope you can at least find some time for yourself. We have to treat our brain like a muscle...and strengthen it on a regular basis...Hope your period comes soon! If mine comes in the next two weeks, I think we might be doing an IVF cycle around the same time.

  8. Think of your favorite things to do (reading, hot bath, going to the movies?) and do whatever you want this Christmas!!!
    I hope AF gets here soon, so you xan get started!!!

  9. Yup, same here. Not bothering with decorations either. Anyway, New Year's Eve is much better than Christmas!

  10. Would you be able to think of this Christmas as the last Christmas before you become a mom? That is how I am thinking of it, it makes me feel better. Maybe it is because I feel nostalgic before every change. Though, I think that what you are feeling is normal. I hope you feel better.

  11. Thanks for your comment on my blog! I was so sure we'd be buying baby presents this year too. It's really hard to be satisfied when we set these milestones in our head and then don't meet them. Birthdays, holidays, boo to all of it!

  12. Jennifer I hope your next IVF cycle is the one for you!!



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