We have been TTC for over four years now. The first year was just having fun and trying to see what happens. During that time my DH’s mom was diagnosed with cancer and passed away. I don’t really consider that year part of our TTC journey because we had so much other stuff going on. The second year was spent with a far away RE doing testing. My DH has low morphology so the far away doctor wanted to do a SA four months apart in hopes of seeing improvement. Such a big waste of time – we then found an awesome RE closer to home. During years three and four we have done 10 IUI’s, 1 IVF, and 1 FET. Two of the IUI’s worked. The seventh IUI I miscarried at 10 weeks and the 10th IUI I miscarried at six weeks. IVF resulted in four fabulous grade A embryos. Two were transfered for the IVF and the last two for FET. Both resulted in a BFN. Jan 2011 we got our BFP with IVF#2 but lost our baby Gavin at 18.5 weeks. We took the next 6 months to heal emotionally. In December 2011 we transferred one frozen embryo. It resulted in a BFP! Due in August! I hope you enjoy following my story and don’t be shy! Tell me about yours!
I went in for another cervix check and everything is still looking good. Cervix hasn't changed and is measuring at 4.4. Got to see Squatter again and the nurse made a gender prediction. I would love to hear your guess on what you think Squatter is! I will confirm after my anatomy scan on April 3rd! This might actually happen! I have not received bad news at a doctor’s appointment yet and I feel my fears easing up a bit!
Today’s post is going to be a happy one! I really appreciate everyone’s comments and the love you sent my way yesterday. I am back to focusing on the positives.
Squatter is doing well and has actually eased up on me a bit this past week. I am only throwing up in the mornings. I still feel a little nauseous in the evenings but that is getting better! My belly popped this past week and I am enjoying it! I am actually starting to think about having a baby to take home in August and what we will need to buy. I have no idea on what we actually need or how to take care of a baby – thank goodness I have 24 more weeks to figure that out. I have 12 nieces and nephews so I might have a little idea of how to take care of a baby but I am used to giving them back. It might be time to break out the baby book! I hope everyone has plans for a great weekend!
As Gavin’s Dirthday approaches I can’t help but run through the events of the week prior of delivering Gavin in my head. I think about how I felt physically and mentally and it keeps bringing me to tears. I vividly remember the panic I felt the morning after he died. I woke up after a short drug induced nap and freaked out. I couldn’t breathe. It felt like a ton of bricks made of sadness were sitting on my chest and I thought I was dying. I have never had a panic attack in my life but I am pretty sure that was what happened and mixed with my low oxygen level I started to hyperventilate. I made hubby call for the nurse but before she came my sweet husband calmed me down and I was ok. I keep remembering the feeling of not being able to breathe and pray that I never have to feel that type of sadness ever again.
I think about Gavin all the time and talk to him about this pregnancy. I guess I have a lot of fear built up now that I am hitting 16 weeks. At week 16 is when things started to go downhill with Gavin and I guess I am scared the same thing might happen again.
I went in this week for my cervical check.I had no idea what to expect at this appointment.They took me back and had me undress from the waist down.The Nurse came in and did a transvaginal US to measure my cervix.Right away I was able to see Squatters spine and heart beating.That was reassuring.My cervix measured at 4.2 which they said was good.The nurse then did an over the stomach US and measured the heart rate (152) and showed me the stomach and the two spheres of the head.She didn’t measure squatter but that’s ok.It was a totally bonus just to see the baby.I was told that my placenta is low lying so they will keep their eye on it.I hope it resolves and moves to its proper location in the next few weeks.I go back in two weeks for another cervix check and then my anatomy scan is set for April 3 and I am so excited!