Back in the Saddle Again

I called the RE two weeks ago on my CD1 just to see what testing they were going to make me do again if we want to proceed with a FET in November. I assume they will want to do some blood work and I am hoping that I will not need another HSG. They called back and said that the first step was to meet with the RE…so…


I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow and I have such mixed emotions. I can’t believe I have to go back after they made such a big deal about me graduating from there back in March. I am nervous and have butterflies…a little part of me is excited with the thought of trying again and the other part is terrified. All the what ifs are running through my head and it keeps bringing tears to my eyes. I thought the next time I would be in his office I would be one of the annoying moms dragging her screaming two year old in (annoying all the other IFers) to do a FET for our second kid. Now I will be in his office having to tell him Gavin’s story through tears trying to keep it together long enough to hear his thoughts on everything. I will let you know how it goes!

It’s been three months since Gavin was born.  Some days it seems like we lost him just yesterday and other days it seems like it was a life time ago.  I miss him so much and days like today my heart hurts. 

The innocent questions of a little boy

Hubby and I were in the car with my 6 year old nephew Jake on Saturday and out of the blue he asked why our baby Gavin died.  I was a little taken aback by the question but I managed to answer “because he was born too early and he was just too small to live.”  Jake then asked if he was buried in the ground and if he went to heaven.  I didn’t know how to explain the concept of cremation so I said “yes he is buried and up in heaven.”  Jake seemed satisfied with our answers then proceeded to tell us that he has a friend named Gavin but he’s not dead – which actually made us laugh.  It’s funny how kids process things. 

Vacations

Whoo Hoo - It’s finalized – we will spend Gavin’s due date in NYC! We are so excited to spend a week there. Hubby has never been to NYC and I was little last time I was there. We are going for 8 nights and have a long list of things to do and see! It’s been helpful to have something to plan and to look forward to. It keeps my mind from wondering too far.

I know that October is going to be a hard month for me so going on vacation will be a good excuse to get out of most everything that month. I already had a friend tell me to save the first weekend in October for her baby shower. Really…she is not due until mid January so I was surprised her shower is in October. I am going to have to decline. I would probably go if it was during any other month…just not two weeks before Gavin’s due date. I hope she understands. I just had to hide her on FB…her pregnancy posts were just too much to handle.

This weekend we are having a staycation with the family at a local resort! I am really looking forward to it. The resort has a wave pool, water slides, swim up bar, and a lazy river! I plan on getting a nice tan and spending some quality time with my parents, sisters/brother and all my nieces and nephews! Now I just need to find a swim suit that fits me!