I posted this…
“October 15th is pregnancy & infant loss remembrance day. Today we remember all the babies born sleeping, the ones we carried but never had the chance to meet, the precious babies we have held but didn't take home, or the one's that came home but never stayed long. Make this your status if you or someone you love has suffered the loss of a baby. Light a Candle @ 7pm to honor all lost babies.”
Which is no big deal but then people started commenting on my post. One friend said “thinking of you” another said “Love you sister” and a third posted “Love you too…wish we could have met your baby”. WTF – she really just say that on FB? I get that she doesn’t have a clue and is trying to be nice but really…I wish I could have met the two babies I miscarried but I wouldn’t post that on FB. I was very proud of myself for posting that message. I have always been pretty private about my IF story and it felt good sharing that with everyone…the last comment however me the whole thing a bit weird.
Very brave of you, posting that. Good for you!! And as for the comments, well, just hold onto the bit about them meaning well, because people can be idiots sometimes. Not intentionally, but hey, it slips out.
ReplyDeleteI've posted that before too, but luckily have not received weird messages like that. I think if I had, I would have deleted it. I reserve the right to delete anything on my FB page...even stupid comments my husband leaves me. Ha! Pat yourself on the back - it's okay to be passionate about this and to let others know about it. Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI think it is great that you "came out" on facebook. It is scary putting it out there but it is freeing and raises awareness as well that us infertiles do exist!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry people don't think before they write, but I am so proud of you for putting it out there. People need to know about it, and they need to know they aren't alone.
ReplyDeleteI posted the same message, although I've never technically miscarried...just had one chemical pregnancy. And I got no responses. Which left me wondering do people get it? Do people care? Did I stun too many people? But it felt good to post it and you did the right thing. Because we deserved to be remembered too. And it's so much more tactful than putting up a "SCREW YOU PREGNANT PEOPLE" status... :)
ReplyDeleteVery brave of you! That last comment was kind of weird though... but I hope with good intentions nevertheless.
ReplyDeleteVery proud of you for coming out! I posted something similar on FB that day, but didn't get any responses. One person "liked" it, but no comments. As mrskateski said, it too left me wondering. At least we did it, and we can feel good that maybe we raised some awareness.
ReplyDeleteI don't know if I would have liked that last comment either, but it seems to have been written innocently...probably by a person who hasn't suffered a loss and doesn't realize that it might have felt inappropriate to someone who has up til then had been very private about their losses. I'm not sure, being as I don't know the person. I hope that it was with good intention.
Sorry you had to deal with that.
Wow, some people SERIOUSLY don't get it!!! My gosh! That's so heartless of that "friend" to say. I'm really sorry. :(
ReplyDeleteHey, I'm on Facebook too, so if you ever want to befriend me, look me up! :)
That's really brave of you - I've always been too scared to post something like that on FB because I figured I'd get some bizarre comments! Well done though.
ReplyDeleteI think it was very brave of you posting, even if it had unintentional consequences (*hugs*)
ReplyDeleteI am very open on my FB about everything we're going through, and specifically told everyone abut our losses and my stillborn niece... it gives me a chance to educate and get support. But I realize that it's definitely not for everyone, because sharing this stuff is hard and not within everyone comfort. Even I'm cool with sharing some things, but not others. Maybe they thought that since you posted it you were cool with it, I don't think they weren't trying to out you or anything.
You are so brave for being open on FB. So sorry for some of the stinky comments. Fertiles just don't get it sometimes.
ReplyDeleteI've posted that update as well and have never received any responses! Not even 'Likes'! You're very brave - a few on my FB know about our IF - but I could never 'out' myself there - too chicken! IComLeavWe
ReplyDeleteWow! That must have taken some serious courage to "come out" with IF on FB, but must have felt like a great burden's been lifted. It's a damn shame about the insensitive responses though. :(
ReplyDeletecongrats for posting that! that's very courageous! but i'm so disappointed you didn't get more (and better!) support. damn fertiles. they don't mean it, but it sure does sting.
ReplyDeleteMany, many props to you girl. Unfortunately I'm still in the closet. I have a few IF sisters on FB who posted the same thing, and I seriously thought about posting it - but ultimately chickened out. I'm pretty private about the IF as well. Someday...
ReplyDeleteI am proud of you for "coming out" too! I have only in the past couple of years... after being blessed with my miracle baby... started being more open about our fertility struggles. I'm still not that open about it and mostly limit my writings to the fact that I have dealt with infertility and miscarriage. Sadly enough, that seems to be difficult enough for people to acknowledge even with me not getting into the agony that often is fertility struggles. I am glad that you have helped raise awareness... and I have to agree that I think the comments were meant to be supportive. People never cease to amaze me with how insensitive they can be when discussing IF while thinking they are being supportive!
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