What Makes a Mother?

I wanted to share this, it brought tears to my eyes.  

What Makes a Mother

I thought of you and closed my eyes.

And prayed to God today.

I asked what makes a mother and

I know I heard him say,

A mother has a baby.

This we know is true.

But God, can you be a mother

When your baby's not with you?

Yes, you can, He replied

with confidence in His voice.

I give many women babies.

When they leave is not their choice.

Some I send for a lifetime

and others for a day.

And some I send to feel your womb

but there's no need to stay.

I just don't understand this. God,

I want my baby here.

He took a breath and cleared His throat

and then I saw a tear.

I wish I could show you

what your child is doing today.

If you could see your child smile

with other children and say,

"We go to earth to learn our lessons

of life and love and fear.

My Mommy loved me, Oh so much,

I got to come straight here.

I feel so lucky to have a Mom

who had so much love for me,

I learned my lesson very quickly.

My Mommy set me free.

I miss my Mommy, Oh so much,

but I visit her each day.

When she goes to sleep,

on her pillow's where I lay.

I stroke her hair and kiss her cheek

and whisper in her ear,

'Mommy don't be sad today,

I'm your baby and I'm here.'"

So you see, my dear sweet one,

your children are okay.

Your babies are here in MY home

and this is where they'll stay.

They'll wait for you with ME

until your lesson is through.

And on the day that you come home,

they'll be at the gates for you.

So now you see what makes a Mother”

It's the feeling in your heart.

It's the love you had so much of,

right from the very start.

Though some on earth may not realize you are a Mother,

until their time is done.

They'll be up here with ME one day,

and know you're the best one.

~Jennifer Wasik~

All you can really do is laugh

On Friday afternoon, I am standing in the checkout line at the local drugstore and I am in a daze of thought.  As I look in my basket to see what random crap I am buying and I bust up laughing at myself.  I have a box of 10 ovulation testers, a box of 3 First Response pregnancy tests, and a jumbo size of tampons.  I guess as an infertile you always have try to get pregnant, having some hope that you will do it on your own and that I might actually need these pregnancy tests before they expire.  My body knows each month will inevitably end in needing the tampons but I guess my mind doesn’t.  Glad I thought it was funny.    

day by day

I don’t really have that much to say these days. I am just trying to figure out how to live my life and it’s a daily battle to not go into depression mode. I want to be ok and I understand that I can be happy even though I am still so sad. I have had a couple “weepy” days where I am on the verge of tears and cry over anything. My hubby went out on a boy’s night last week and he called to say hi and I was crying. He felt bad for leaving me - I had been fine all week but a FB pregnancy announcement triggered me. It was probably better that I was alone and he got to enjoy time out with his friends. I am usually pretty social but I find myself declining invites and even telling hubby to go without me lately. I struggle being around friends that I have not seen recently. I am only “ok” in my comfort zone group of friends/family right now (read…the ones that are not pregnant and I don’t expect a surprise pregnancy announcement from them any time soon)


On another note…Our next door neighbor is a retired cop. He lives there with his bed ridden wife. I believe she has rheumatoid arthritis and a list of other health problems. We are friendly with them and do neighborly things like pull up his garbage can from the curb and let each other know when we are going out of town. My hubby talked to him while I was in the hospital and told him what was going on. Our neighbor called and followed up to check on me about a month ago. Yesterday he came by with a gift for us. He and his wife had a star named after Gavin. I opened it and instantly started to cry. How sweet for them to think of us during all this and go out of their way to do this. Now I feel bad that we have never even invited him over for a beer. It’s the little things that mean so much!

Digging out from the dust…

For those of you who have not heard Phoenix was hit with a crazy dust storm last night. It was a mile-high dust storm moved between speeds of 50 and 60 mph and was nearly 100 miles wide, according to the weather service. Here is a video of the Haboob (aka. dust storm) rolling into the valley. 

My car is dirty...really dirty now. 

Check me out!

Sweet Carlia at The Stork Drop Zone featured me on her Humpday Hero Award Post.  Thanks for nominating me!!!

Queen of Everything

or so my new award tells me. Okay, not everything, but I do get to make three rules "insert maniacal, evil laugh" (and they're so awesome they better stick!).

Carla over at The Stork Drop Zone gave me authority to put my power to use for the good of mankind, (check out the rules here.) so here it goes...

rule #1: High heels no longer hurt your feet! You can wear them all day and they feel like you are walking on memory foam!

rule #2: You get promoted for working hard and doing a good job. No more politics in the work place. None of this who you know Bull$hit. (I guess with this new rule I should get back to work and stop blogging).

rule #3: You will look like a model in every picture taken of you! No more of the red eyes or funny expressions. Now you never have to worry about the pictures people post on FB - you will look marvelous!

~by the power invested in me as the Overloard, I bestow this award on my fellow bloggers, because, well...I'm just dying to know what your rules will be!