Meeting a Blog Friend IRL

I had the privilege to meet Hannah over at Life Happens last weekend.  She was visiting friends in Arizona and so we were able to meet up for dessert!  I have met so many amazing women because of blogging and it was great to finally meet Hannah in real life!!!!

I have so much to say

I don’t even know where to begin. I have so much to say and I have just been too busy to blog. I have been reading everyone’s posts but for some reason I am having trouble commenting while at work.


I have gone to see the perinatologist and reviewed my history with him. I absolutely loved the peri we met with. He took the time and really seemed to care about us and everything that has happened. The long story short is that he recommended thawing our four frozen blasts to test them for chromosomal issues. He thinks there might have been a chromosomal issue with the placenta and possibly Gavin that caused everything. No one knows for sure but his reasoning was sound and it’s a possibility. The peri called my RE and they chatted about my case for a while. Now the issue is do I want to test my frozen embryos? Typically the RE does the PDG testing on fresh three day embryos not frozen 5 day blasts. So in talking with my RE he is going to put together a plan and a cost for this testing. It’s possible to test 5 day frozen blasts but there is no laser or anyone qualified in AZ to do this so they would either have to fly the equipment and expert to Phoenix to do this or ship my embryos to Colorado or Stanford. If they ship them for testing the RE that does the test might want me to fly to their office to do the transfer(s). This is all sounding very expensive. I also worry if the embryos will survive the thaw, test, freeze, rethaw and transfer. Does it matter losing a cell or two at the five day blast stage? Should I not worry about testing the embryos and hope for the best? What if we do this testing and all four have issues and then I am back to square one? I have so many questions and fears. I guess I will wait to hear from my RE with his suggestions and plan.

On a side note I had my sono mock done and my RE checked my uterus for scarring. Everything checked out A ok! Depending on testing of the embryos and how long it takes I am hoping to do my next FET in December.

We are heading out on our consolation trip to NYC on Thursday. I have such mixed feelings about the trip. I am very excited to go to the greatest city in the US for a week and not think about real life but at the same time I keep thinking that I should be having a baby October 17th not going out to a nice dinner. I hope I am able to clear my thoughts and enjoy this time with hubby.

Oh and one more thing….September was our 5 year TTC anniversary. Such a sucky milestone.

Back to work…I have 8 million things to do before we leave!

more waiting...

I met with the perinatologist yesterday and told our story yet again. This was the first time I met with this doctor and I really liked him. My appointment was at four so they took me back to the room about 3:50 – as I was nervously waiting for the doctor my hubby walked in. I was very surprised because I thought he couldn’t get out of work. It was reassuring having him by my side. We talked to the doctor for 45 minutes and his suggestion was to see if we can do the PSD testing on our frozen blasts. He believes there was a chromosomal issue with Gavin and/or the placenta that caused the bleed and all the other issues. I regret not having the hospital do all the testing after Gavin was born. It would be nice to have some answers. I am going to the RE next week for a sono-mock to get the “all clear” on my uterus. At that time I will see if they can do the PSD testing on frozen blasts. I have read that the testing us usually done at the 3 day 8-cell stage. If they can do the testing I guess they will have to thaw the embryos then remove a few cells and refreeze while we wait for the test results. This process doesn’t sound cheap or easy.


The perinatologist also recommended waiting at least 9 to 12 months before starting back up. I understand the reasoning behind the long wait time but I am going to proceed in December. That will give my body 7 months to heal…I don’t think my heart and mind can wait any longer than that. I guess it might be a moot point if they test my four frozen blasts and none of them are normal. Then it wouldn’t really matter anyways. There are just too many unknowns at this point so I will just quietly wait until my next doctor’s appointment like a good little infertile.

I am getting excited for out NYC trip. I can’t believe we leave in just three weeks. I guess I have some clothes shopping to do this weekend!

Redecorating…

We finally broke down and bought a new sectional and TV for our great room. Our old couches were super comfy but looked a bit sloppy and our old TV was having issues of turning off every 10 minutes until it warmed up and it was really annoying.


The room is a long way from being finished. We need a new coffee and sofa table and two chairs for the opposite wall. I am also going to hang some curtains in the room. Good thing the furniture store had a deal running that gave us an extra $600 in store credit to cover the additional furniture needed.

Tell me what you think (sorry for the crappy cell phone picture)!

Stop with the encouraging words people...

When I tell people IRL that I am going back to the RE they keep giving me stupid encouraging statements. Such as “I’m glad you are not giving up – the whole Gavin thing is a fluke and you will be fine” – really? – how the F#*% do you know my next pregnancy (if I am lucky enough to have a next one) will be fine? Are you SURE that a placental abruption and/or an incompetent cervix will not happen again? They also tell me that at least I know what signs to look for next time and at least the doctors will be monitoring me closely. If I have signs of either again it’s going to suck and it might not matter how closely they monitor me. I could still have major problems.

I kind of wish people would just keep their mouths shut, back off a bit and let me be worried about what’s going to happen next. Nothing they say will ease my fears. I think they just say what they need to hear.

I am meeting with the Perinatologist in a week. I will have to tell my story yet again and hope they give me the green light to start back up with FETs. I am not sure if they will have any testing for me to do or want to check any hormone levels.

I used to walk around the RE’s office like I owned the place. I knew every doctor, nurse and tech. This last appointment was different. I have not been in the RE’s office since I “graduated” last March and it felt like a foreign land to me. The receptionist was new and so was the tech that took me back. I didn’t even get to see my favorite nurse. After waiting for 45 min (yes – our RE is always running behind) we were finally greeted by my RE. He is wonderful and spends quality time with his patents…I guess that is why he is always running behind. He introduced us to a new doctor or maybe she was an intern and asked if we would mind if she sat in on our meeting. I know that we are an interesting case so it’s probably a good one for her to learn on. We told Gavin’s story and I made it through the appointment without actually crying. The RE took notes and asked a lot of questions. He was a little disappointed that we didn’t do the extra testing on Gavin and the placenta. While we were in the hospital the perinatologist said that additional testing probably wouldn’t give us any answers and recommended we not spend the money to do it. Now I wish we did. Anyways…


Our RE wants to redo the sonogram just to give my uterus the all clear. I will call on my next CD1 (two weeks) to get that scheduled. He also wants me to make an appointment with the Perinatologist to get approval from him to proceed with the FET. Now if you remember the Peri at the hospital suggested for us to wait a whole year before TTC and our OB suggested 3 months. We decided to split the difference and start up in November which will give my body 6 months to heal. I almost cried when my RE suggested this…my eyes filled with tears and hubby looked at me and told me to take a deep breath and calmed me down. He said that we can decide our treatment timeline -since everyone tells us different things anyways. I just don’t think I can wait another 6 months.

So here I am, needing to make another doctors appointment hoping that we can get started soon. I am getting a little sick of telling my story. I have bits and pieces of my medical records in four different locations. I need a big binder with it all to carry around because I can’t remember all this shit.

Oh – we talked to the RE regarding transferring one embryo at a time. He thinks that’s a good idea because of the whole incompetent cervix thing. The only issue is that they freeze embryos in pairs. This sucks – I have four frozen embryos that are chillen with their buddies. He said it shouldn’t be an issue to unfreeze a pair then transfer one and then refreeze the other. That sounds like a process where a whole lot of stuff can go wrong to me. I guess I can’t dwell on what’s been done. You would think that I am not the only person in the world that only wants to transfer one embryo – I wonder why they do that.