Really...

I have a group of girl friends, some of which I have known since elementary school…we were all very close in high school and still see some of them every six months or so. They have all gotten married and are now on their second or third kid so we have drifted apart. My life has turned out very different than theirs. One of them emailed me last January to tell me that she was pregnant with their third baby…a total surprise to them (she thought her hubby was too old to have any more kids…he is 44ish). She knew of my struggles and wanted to tell me before I saw it on FB. It was very considerate of her and I really appreciated her thinking of my feelings. She didn’t know that the week she announced her pregnancy to me was the same week of my second miscarriage. I have stayed away from her since then which makes me feel like a horrible friend. I decided to email her yesterday since I knew her due date was coming up. She has two other kids…Luke and Lilly. I asked her if she was going with the L theme for the baby’s name and she said no…she is deciding between two other names. One of them is MY pick for a girl…I have wanted to use the name for the past year if not longer. It’s so not fair that she gets a surprise baby and uses my name. I almost started crying at work today when I read her message. I guess today is a pity party day for me. I know I can’t claim names especially since I am IF but give me a fucking break.